Now She Really Done Did It

The funny thing about relationships is that there's always a last frontier that you don't want to visit. That certain peccadillo that you keep to yourself because it's yours. It's yours and yours alone. There's no judgment, no prying eyes, just you. I firmly believe that it's important to keep some things from your significant other, not the big stuff, just a few little things.

My secret is out. The boyfriend came over a little earlier than expected this evening and found a very unattractive sight: me on the couch, watching a DVD that kept me up until all hours last night, elbow-deep in neapolitan ice cream. No bowl, just a spoon and the half gallon tub of Dreyers.

This is definitely not the first time I've done this, in fact it dates back to 7th grade orchestra when my friend and I discovered we could eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's all by ourselves. It is, however, the first time I've been caught.

His reaction was mixed: on one hand, cute; and the other, sad; and the third, hilarious (yeah, I said there are three hands).

I'd like to believe that there's some air of mystery and allure still left in my relationship, though it's going on two years. That illusion, frail as it was to begin with, is left shattered, irreparable.

Is this a good thing though? To reveal one of my innermost secrets to the person I share my life with? Does he deserve to know the things I do when he's not around? Or is he better off ignorant of my shameful habits?

Bus Stop Nemesis

I'm generally a very easy going person when I get up in the morning. I walk to work, I pick up some coffee, I listen to my iPod and hope it doesn't rain.

I usually take the same route to work every morning at about the same time so I see the same people a lot. There's one girl that I see at one of the bus stops and she's always got a scowl on her face. For whatever reason, I think her dirty looks are directed at me in some sort of drive-by judgment. Maybe I've wronged her in some way or beat her out for a job, stolen her boyfriend or dented her car without leaving a note.

Whatever it is, I'm sorry Bus Stop Nemesis! Can we put a moratorium on the daggers you throw my way and get back to a normal Seattle equilibrium where we both ignore each other?

I'm Not Really American

When I was a kid, my family didn't have cable so I watched a lot of British TV and movies. Stuff like Blackadder, Jeeves and Wooster, and Fawlty Towers.

I was so excited when I heard that Hugh Laurie was going to be in an American show called House.

Why would you force him into using an American accent (because I'm sure it wasn't his idea)? He's British! But you think it's OK to have an Australian dude on there?! Why doesn't he have to have an American accent too?!

And don't even get me started on what happens when British shows are recreated by American networks. Ridiculous! Let me make my case:

1. The Office: I hear that the American version is good but I'll never see it. I loved the original and I feel like watching it would desecrate its memory.
   
2. Coupling: a word-for-word remake! Gross! And yes, I know that Coupling was based on Friends but at least the UK version knew when to end. That's right: I said it!
3. Changing Rooms: I'm sorry but Trading Spaces is but a pale impostor of this show. There are so many game shows that come from the UK that are reproductions, no additional thought or creativity is applied.

I know that it goes the other way too but it's hard to see those shows that I enjoyed as a kid being diluted when they come over here.

Is I crazy? Should I just let go of my bias, seeing as how it's been 20 years now? Or should I stay true to my principles?

Retirement Home Dreams

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been drawn to the elderly. And not in a weird or perverse way. I spent a lot of time watching TV and I always found the most comfort in watching shows like The Golden Girls, Matlock, and Murder She Wrote. It was like watching my grandparents in their twilight years (ignoring the obvious fact that I'm not white).

Following that same logic, the recent episodes of crime in the U District (see previous entry "Borrowed Time"), there seems to be only one affordable solution: move into a retirement home where I can observe some kind of peace and quiet.

The rent is comparable, I can have a pet if I want, and they plan social activities for their tenants. And old people are quiet, maybe to a fault, but I think I could handle it. Stay tuned. If I don't get mugged on the way home or involved in some kind of retaliatory act of violence from my downstairs neighbors after I file a noise complaint with the police, you may see my face on the next SHAG commercial.

Borrowed Time

I'm almost afraid to put this rant to paper. I might be jinxing myself. I have a confession: I have lived in the U-District for over 10 years and I've never been assaulted, mugged, shanked, shived, nothing.

That's a good thing, I know. With the seemingly skyrocketing crime rate in this city, statistically speaking, I'm bout due for my turn. I am inundated with crime reports, I hear sirens from cop cars and ambulances every day, and my neighbors have recently decided to entertain me at all hours with screaming matches that make Law & Order look like Sesame Street.

Here's the question: Is it UD that has the problem or is it me? Am I bucking fate by walking to and from work without some sort of body armor? Are these signs that it's time for me to leave the UD? What are your thoughts out there? Help me decide if it's time to start a new decade in a new place!

Word of the Day: Infetchuated

I created a new word today, inspired by my toenail polish:

in⋅fetch⋅u⋅ate

  /v. ɪnˈfætʃuˌeɪt; adj., n. ɪnˈfætʃuɪt, -ˌeɪt/ Show Spelled Pronun[v. in-fech-oo-eyt; adj., n. in-fech-oo-it, -eyt] verb, -at⋅ed, -at⋅ing, adjective, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.	to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.

After randomly choosing a nail color at her weekly pedicure, Jane was infetchuated with the orange sheen on her toes.

The copyright is pending y'all.

Clash of the Titans

I've slept like shit every night for the last week so I've made a decision (for the 67th time) to stop drinking coffee. As much as I love it, I'm exhausted every morning and have to drink more and more coffee to keep the high throughout the day.

My old standby is chai tea. It's provides a much more even flow for me but it's definitely not as high a high. Decisions! I need to compare the two:

White chocolate mocha: 350 calories, 6g of fat, 58g of sugar, 150mg of caffeine
Chai tea latte:200 calories, 0g of fat, 42g of sugar, 100mg of caffeine

And chai tea lattes are cheaper! There you have it people. The winner,by decision, is chai tea. You will see me get more and more irritable over the next week or so. My apologies in advance.